Your Time with Kim 1/19/11 No Music

" I'm going opinion yeah so he."

" It's it's I am nothing to apologize for having helped. It appeared anything in just send you what sexy when you."

" Welcome to your time with -- Iverson should be your girlfriend is here you know."

" You about this a new study of 3000 women conducted by and companies found out that. Men women refused to go on public without wearing make up they said one and three women refuse to go out in public without makeup they're actually saying women might be addicted to make up. Because if you feel like you have to have it and you can go without it in you need it is absolutely innocent cities and it must be an addiction. Can you leave the house about -- don't. Yeah and like Tina. -- doing but you'll do it I'll do not now not -- now. I do it all the time and then I realized. And I probably a lot of ground to make up whenever I go out go like to the grocery store or wherever ran -- and stuff I won't wear any make up. In -- dawns on me that people might be looking at me -- like I can't keep my decision. The -- she belongs in the radio. It's -- phased out. A guy you know radio people who are not -- That I should start putting on some makeup and during my hair before going out some people now. Yes that they stop saying now -- face for radio came out. This. Is afraid to not wear make up my boyfriend's. Really. I had always on avedon and even -- you know I feel the same way and the sandman mr. Sam and he loves me without makeup. Low voltage is going he likes to be at your microphone -- adds I'm so I got all excited excited. About Rick Lazio that may get people that I might cutest. When I'm like wearing mine. Like. Like granny outfits like what I'm wearing stickers yeah like wearing slippers like Beatles slats on the house some freezing and and I am no make up my -- thrown up he thinks I'm the sexiest. I got times I'm like yes that's easy for easy. -- I never debate on make him ever again. Please. Yeah. Face for radio thanks. We have a Twitter account everybody. Now you know. It's got your time it's him. And if you followed a show on -- rating on the updates on what we're talking about next aghast that are gonna beyond. All the secret -- gonna miss out on that you missed out on if you're following us on Twitter some once again act. Your time with the camera. That is my name right your time with him at your time can follow us. Mutual appreciated thanks we're right back arts expert gonna tell us and games that we complain despise -- for sex lives. Cigarettes are 10-Q Iverson. Give -- calls."

" 8889 called him but do you favor can you just talked to me for one -- it's serious because I'm like I'm like halfway there you people ever think about the study it and somebody's hands you -- well my first choice was to we're -- boutique on Rodeo Drive but this should be okay. Nice persons tall gangly."

" They say the couple that plays together stays together one of the best ways to add more fun and playing your relationship is to get your game on. Here to tell us about games that we can play with our partner -- relationship coach author and clinical hip no therapist. And they enemy."

" Millen -- days until. He's had you a fan of good news. It's it's great -- because when your talking about creating lower you know intimacy and finding your relationship. When of the things I love about these kinds of games is that subconsciously it appeals to that timeframe when we first started playing these games like junior high high schools. So painfully treat their -- way to reignite that fire quitting -- asking the question is compelling questions -- here. -- your own truth it's really an opportunity to get. -- sexy and -- ethnic connection and then that there as well can't come under pressure have to do what we ask them to do with our into daylight --"

" Australia SOK so trees there and that's one."

" Yes she did they're totally intoxicating way to create connection and have planetary tethered to do provocative things. -- another game that I love from that time it is called would you rather did you ever play that. Yes. Funny and that game so. It's great way to get to know someone special all over again because sometimes we think we already know that midweek. Forget to keep six saying well we changed and we grow all the time so. Even if you're asking for and it came questions like you know would you rather. -- ten years longer or would you rather make 10% more money they can ask has this sort of thought provoking questions or. You can -- it up with them -- here options you can say things like. Would you rather it that I can you hear or would you rather than -- kiss you -- hardly. See out there with it."

" Exchange love that it's. A."

" Netherlands that would ease the is -- anything right it didn't have to know how to play poker is played just got these stupid who -- what ever. It doesn't mean they're right in front of somebody killing --"

" The idea I can't I like Alan -- easy enough for all of us he plays somebody you know and start serving close."

" And it aimed directly at more than anything isn't whether you're winning -- you losing your winning race but yeah yeah yeah ever ever turned out badly I. Game but there's actual romantic games there's sexy games that you can find this. And these games are a lot of them are are really designed to help expand your relationship and create communication and then. Promote intimacies that the couple that I really like one called 52 weeks of not being nice and they're like these -- of game cards and their literally for a year and it includes -- Little sexy -- in in little. Role playing ideas and suggestions. And coupons are kind of fun stuff."

" I don't get out there's a lot -- great stuff out there if you go to certain types of stores. And you guys came second at these games would be really great way to spice up your love life and kind of bring back the spark a little day in and get -- get everything going especially if you've been together for -- if you haven't been together for awhile. What do way to start your relationship -- a start it on a really hot and sexy note these games are great."

" Really good point because how do you start that you -- you -- the tone for the relationship right begin their relationship so why not start it like that."

" Definitely our Alina thank you so much Elaine -- McMillan. She is the author of confessions. Of a frigid -- coming clean about getting dirty it's a humorous look at how to break out of the patterns. That it held us back from being fully self expressed. In life and -- go to her website bring back that spark. Dot com. So what you do we you know someone's being cheated on -- tell on. Well this the situation is really complicated woman writes and she's as a -- in my -- cheating on his wife. I don't know his wife that well but I do easier sometimes when she stopped by the office or at the other job. Related functions lately we've got even lunch together and seem to have much friendly relationship. I am torn because I feel so guilty that I know my boss is cheating on her. I don't wanna lose her friendship or my job and I and I and I know I don't know what I should do. She says basically she's in charge of like sending the flowers to the mistress. She's in charge and letting the boss knowing mistresses around like she gets the phone calls from -- you can imagine being -- assistant in you and -- getting the phone calls from the -- you're getting phone calls from the lover. You're sending flowers on -- right for that you're sending flowers on a -- berth today. You know you're kind of in charge of doing all of this -- nation as the assistant so she knows at a bus is cheating on his wife. And she's in charge according to all the stuff. Well now she says that she's kind of gotten closer to the wife she's been working for this man for awhile and the wife comes around obviously and has Ben. A little friendly -- recently and he has even -- you wanna grab lunch I'm here what are you doing let's go get -- so they'll go get lunch they kind of starting to get to know one another. Now another she's getting to know the light she almost feels like I mean she feels guilty that. You know she's becoming friends at the wife of the Voss and on the flip side sending flowers to lover booking his hotels. For when he has rendezvous with a lover. It's Arab this is -- terrible because you know she tells she loses her job. Is it even legal. It's I mean yeah I'm wondering if there's like a legal issue because if you're working for someone does not like confidence."

" Olina where is that there I don't thinks now -- your boss killed somebody you can certainly say sympathetic. He's not a competency and -- of -- married tier Boston and I'm just anything happens. -- what would you do if you know I was cheating on mr. sandman. And UT had become friends -- let's say he hangs out your boyfriend all the time and if I valued my job I would back off of that boss' wife because he can't really have a relationship with somebody you know there spouses cheating on them re. Like I mean it's hard -- you wanna tell the lawless I I attentive. Reliance deal like that -- out there -- exactly please learn he's yeah I think the same things like so. Are you in your husband going to be going out. Tonight that's. And she's gone now I thought he had to work function -- Yeah I hear rioting as he does have that work function. Not -- had an -- that. Or like did you like those flowers he sent you I mean mile island to -- out flowers oh oh never mind I thought that I have those flowers sent the room. Imus meant. Most -- hasn't been. So you wouldn't you would back off from the white and I would be dissolution if I wanted to keep my job obviously I would just not be friends at the life for sure our. -- need a job with."

" Yeah this is a tough one I'm gonna open on the phone lines -- you guys do you know because there's the moral issue for me I just feel like. You know if someone's lying cheating or stealing or anything like that that you know I I personally feel like you should say something to people. And you know if you know something that you should say something we can't live in a society. Where that's a real slippery slope of saying okay well I'm not the same -- wanna get involved is in real crimes -- people don't wanna get involved. I'm real bad things happen and people like oh I don't like you know. People just have taken on his attitude of I don't wanna get involved and -- and I'll let people just live their lives and manage their own business but the same time. You know I don't think gets healthy and updated to help the attitude. To start with on a small scale or how large scale in our society and I feel like if you see something wrong you should say something. But she's got -- job if she does and is the white feeling in a believer she says some things. You know then what the wife doesn't leader and now she's jobless -- its -- What do you guys think 888925554."

" Personal assistant has a little bit of a dilemma her boss. -- search you border flowers and have them sent to not his wife. But his mistress. And she's really uncomfortable at this because now she's starting to kind of friends with his wife his wife comes around it. And done invites her lunch they go to lunch they have. Friendly conversation and she feels really guilty that she knows her boss is cheating on his wife. Wondering if she should say something to work what do you think --"

" Hey it's different. What you want to leave."

" I think. That's. Yeah that's true wonder what else is lying about I mean he did anyone of those items like you know scamming people with the news."

" used. To be co conspirator. I don't know. Why. Exactly is it about X yeah he'd require her a lot of what else -- she lied about. He and a -- about. That's you know maybe not the way the whole company here right. You know so perhaps you could move flat early two at the."

" Our present yet you know you make a really good point I mean this guy is asking her to life for him and that you know that that's can be part of anybody's job I agree thank you -- It. Hi Leslie. -- so what would you do would you tell the wife would you act quit your job."

" Yeah I would probably find a new job look like -- Maybe you can eat up the life and I worked there and then once I found anyplace and turn that Miley I can we get it. I would help her but because I think you need to know what I -- that would it I felt exactly yeah and I don't think working -- but. I think that he probably is a character a little more -- life."

" And the good news you -- usually when you tell someone that their partner's cheating they don't believe you but if you're the assistant you could collect. All of the evidence and be like this is the woman's name this is where I've been sending the flowers these are the hours -- had its."

" I know even thinking if you really wanted to -- you can -- and you can. And -- that the name is up comments and name and then that it that it."

" switch them up by accident. That not as funny that is I think lastly. About that. Hi Jan. Which your solution to this dilemma."

" Well it's what I suspect she might try to you quote that the girl could figure particularly how hurt not she's back and she. Bill. I agree I think that he should ignore these are not not saying anything and Haley and why -- it sounds like she might be time to be under her. The information out of."

" As you get -- about Larry knows and a white this public befriending her to see if she knows something. Aren't exactly what are entrusting thank you -- problem. Hi Larry -- gimme a man's perspective on this should she tell the wife that her husband's cheating on her."

" I believe is she shared."

" There is I think that is because. She can always but I and it's yeah well you -- as one of the great yourself that treatment -- are wide open. --"

" Yeah yeah I mean she's definitely being asked alliance and -- all kinda shady things I'm Tina. Excellent thank you what's your solution."

" So basically ads and that personal assistants for her three year -- would be. And I think you're going to this determined. To keep guys said it wants a job and -- wants to keep their job. She keep remarks but then again. It's kind of combat preparedness you know she can't be making friends -- the -- life. There's no way can be friends at the same time and."

" Yeah. Well maybe like what you said you know -- there for business maybe she -- approach your boss and just say hey I'm here for business not. Personality could manage your personal affairs a bigger and it's. Such a difficult situation but you know I I do agree with the first scholars that think like Alley and lastly. That can do when they were saying that she -- defining job -- would you -- be working for somebody who has this kind of bad moral code or mentality anyway. -- got probably a good question ask yourself and also she probably could just say we're Abbas. I don't need to be doing your personal stuff on here for work. Not for sending flowers to your wife or your mistress do it yourself jerk."

" Yeah. Your boobs are perfect your hair is here -- there aren't you I -- what. Let me show you."

" Welcome to you -- Kim Iverson -- your girlfriend. It's easier to you know."

" I ain't saying she giggled again. She is sucked out. Check this out. Girl writes and says what my best guy friend is engaged to be married to the woman that he is marrying seemed nice enough at first that the engagement party I overheard her talking to one of her best friends. Saying that this was the perfect starter marriage and that she's only marrying him for his money and that she's planning to divorce him and take half. Does that an inning gays and -- saying. NIC there's a little back story -- best guys -- used to like -- in high school but the feelings weren't mutual. Some afraid of my talent. Then he is just gonna think it's another ploy to try to get him to be with me but on the other hand if I don't talent this -- to take -- the money has. What do I do. Paintings gold digger. You know I think this is kind of common these days like people in fact I think there's a woman who wrote an entire book about it. Saying marry the first one for money and then married a second one for lab because and you get the money. You know on your financially secure. Did you get all you know half of his assets and."

" And then the next one you can marry for lobby just -- the pool boy with his attorney has money got the other ones -- that's terrible. I couldn't imagine someone actually being that way but you know I'm sure there -- a lot of divorce men out there listening thinking oh yeah my wife was that way she did the same thing -- Saying things the only one I mean for the money but how do you prevent a guy from marrying a gold digger -- colleague today 925554."

" Give her -- call. 8889 called him."

" And -- now plans lesbian totally do you wouldn't even be here if the storm like -- emergence. --"

" guy is about ready to marry a gold digger his friend overheard the fiance talking at the engagement party how this was the perfect starter marriage. -- this guy had a bunch of money she was definitely planning on you know things didn't work -- is gonna take and perhaps no big deal. And go and find true love. Interest and a lot of women kind of feel like settling when they're getting into their relationships they think while this guy has all the security. He has everything I need and I guess were -- source doesn't work out. Let's just leave have a much money and maybe find true love later. I don't know kind of scary mean -- the fiance hasn't been confront adds the friend wants to confront is fiance or tell the best guy friend. About the plan -- and."

" They cast well thank you get a -- gold digger."

" I'm scared to death count I had no idea others and sell their training you lament for the good you'll you speak."

" That women would -- first for live in the second one for -- because it kind of wise up and realize that marry for love wasn't always a good idea. Although the author of the particular book I'm talking about says none that I need to be reversed the first one he's beef from money the second one for love. Went to financially secure then go find the love."

" that your order -- now now not at all but you know what apparently it's this woman's plan. You know this girl rights and and says that she overheard. Her friend's fiancee claiming that this is just for starter marriage. How do you think she should for you know how he -- goes out to her friend and says hey you know this woman's gonna take you for you got."

" I think -- exactly who you know is this girl. The girl on the guys' relationship means she's so determined to think that that he's gonna judge her and say oh you're just put on me bill. But I mean I'm I wouldn't bet on whether you know exactly what is their relationship Communists he'll make. And hit them where it certainly -- like you were up feelings. You know it that's the -- you know. -- not gonna put -- on species itself somebody that he truck. Maybe there's a middle person chicken."

" Aren't that's a good idea finds somebody that he can certainly sit down with and and talk to be you know it's want to get to this point where it's already -- fiance mean. Gosh I don't know what you gonna do how do you approach to -- and say hey I merger gold digger what's up."

" How you know I would I don't know how I can hope is that there's mutual friends between the lady in the third yeah that -- getting married and that they can and chicken -- mutual girl Bynum Bryant confront -- you know -- wouldn't -- holding -- you don't want to ruin the party you know -- can't confront somebody about -- the -- However not. You know I don't know I would write about -- in front of me like."

" Yet I hear it thank you Kevin. America -- well Maria which should she -- to go until the guy that hey you know -- your fiance is a gold digger."

" You have. That he can exceed that on regardless. What kind of -- Relationship oriented. -- The warning about a man is a gold digger. And you're about to lose a lot of money interfere gonna marry her right now."

" Yeah yeah I'm but I'm sure to be difficult conversation to have because he's probably thinking in his mind why are you so against my marriage and you're just jealous and you still want mean you never gotten over me and -- all the that he could potentially -- and she's gonna lose this French at. That's really risking."

" I mean really achieving that's what she is risking but at the same time. Achievements -- put and -- implant. I get back in the day when they weren't aren't going to work. You know and so that one right and it seriously tell him that it's girl you know -- and -- married to paralyze. You think. They've been friends forever so. -- any Italian that he should trust her in on her judgment and you know what she training. You know what that's -- on that side. You know she's been she's been there for him."

" Right and that area and he said doctor yeah Gary Maria thank you it is just difficult though because in those types of situations the guy's gonna think oh you're just jealous you know when he. Let me get married. Maybe you still want me or maybe you worry that I'm not could be your friend anymore something along those lines you know I think the best solution is if she just goes up to the guy and says. A -- yemenis say this to you. I know you probably not going to believe me because people don't in the situation and I'm not asking have a conversation about this I'm just going to tell you what I overheard. And you can take. You can take with that what you well. And if you want -- write it off as she was just kidding for you don't -- believe it that's fine I still wanna be here and be your friend because worst comes to worse. At least you might lose all your money but -- we still have me as a France you know -- she tries engagement a conversation and it turns into a fight. Knew he writes -- as a friend he's not only lost his friend but then he'll lose all of his money later he's lost everything. So I think she should just say I don't want conversation about it I just gonna tell you what I heard do with that what you will. It's probably the best solution thanks for joining us if you have a dilemma want some advice -- your timing -- dot com."

" Here's a good question I was product should your lover. Being your best friend so you're lover being your boyfriend girlfriend your spouse. Should they be your best friend I think the majority people say yes which say yes -- they should be absolutely."

" Can you think your -- your best friend. Now she is yes now she is yeah how long did it take. About five years and years."

" Emanuel loader and she was really good friend attempt after awhile you know. She's my best friend now."

" What's the British in the best friend first what do you guys think was the definition of a best friend. And someone you can tell everything to that'll be there for you no matter it's not and -- view. All the good things that -- friends are what else are best friends."

" do you. One of the US."

" Well time and tell your secrets. So can you say that your wife was your best friend until five years and your relationship. That before that she was a good friends or what why what's the difference between a good friend and a vast frontier."

" Well. I just think that that is you grow older you lose your friends. And so you realize at that point as your friends start to drop off -- which you consider your best friends when your younger start to drop -- think you know what. This lady -- spouse of mine has always been. By my side and she's a one through thick and thin has been there through through baton and and good knowledge stuff that to me his best friend and."

" Okay so what point is this develops -- for you was five years. Still at what point would you say that your partner. Your boyfriend your spouse or lover at what point would you expect them to be your best friend immediately. Now don't get the media because you probably have friends going into that but I think it's something where the -- more time you spend with the person and Clancy guests now. I'm seeing a key -- I don't know. I mean -- my boyfriend now I think then it is he's my best friend probably a few months until that because we spent so much time."

" Yeah yeah online you know I have a girlfriend his pretty much fallen off the face here -- and she got a boyfriend. And I don't I mean I would guess I'd venture to say by -- that was our best friend after. Only after repeated time she'd be like -- is my best friend he's the first and I hang out to personally talked to all the time. You know and I knew I was reading a bunch of blogs and forums about it and everyone was pretty much agreement that your partner should be your best friend that your boyfriend your lover your spouse whoever should be your best friend. That that should be a criteria for a happy healthy relationship. I just don't agree. And I just don't think that your partner should be your best friend I don't think they can be your best friend for one and I'll think they should be your best friend I think it's unhealthy. And I kind of wonder if that's why we have so much divorce now. I wonder if that's like what's causing it is discomfort this. Like overly comfortable relationship that we -- with our partners in the -- kind of becomes -- sexy. Then you don't wanna touch him because he know all the gross things they do it. You know you've seen them -- all their gross ways and you know and then. And then I think it breeds disappointment. I actually don't think men expect their women to be their best friends I think this is a female thing. -- women want their men to be their best friends but if you -- guys. -- And a."

" I would agree that -- on comment on that on that level yeah I would think you're right. That must -- now my best friends think I drink beer with -- after ranked ranked."

" Yeah I think that this is a woman thing I think that women want their men to be their best friends and guys just can't measure up to that and it's way too high -- standard for us -- to be on these men. And disappointed because we have high expectations. And then these expectations that get disappointed. You know breeds contempt and anger and then divorce. He made it sounds of god. I mean I do think that women put too high standards on men and the relationship that we expect cultivate with government. And so when we expect for a -- to be our best friend. You know did these expectations are only going to get. Us disappointment I mean high expectations. Is what is the root for disappointment you can't be disappointed if you have no expectation of who are actually expectation that it did happen as every about it no seriously I think got us women we expect our men tube. Yeah we wanna talk to them about every saying. We expect them had the answers to everything we expect him to be initial depressed cry on we expect -- wanna go into everything with us including shopping which they don't wanna do. We expect. That they're not gonna ever wanna spend a weekend apart from last that they should invite -- to all of their camping trips and fishing trips and beer drinking at the bar. And they don't. Because they don't think a bust in the same way and we get mad. And disappointed and angry and then there's fighting and then the women say I'm not sleeping what I can't you know and and it just. And then it's cyclical I mean I just really think that women's expectations are too high on men. When it comes to whether or not your partner should be your best friend and I don't think they can be your best friend I mean let's think about the conditions of the best friend frank. So you can tell on anything and everything. It's. -- on a -- and I'm kidding he's not gonna know about my past experiences. Things out of happened in the bedroom with the demand like those -- things he doesn't need to now. But my girlfriend my best girlfriend will absolutely an all those things right you know if I mean another thing I think that best friends are unconditional. But I think romantic relationships are conditional. And I don't think we should think their unconditional. I think we should recognize and embrace at their conditional and maybe if we did there'd be less to us. If people understood that there relationships were absolutely conditional. That your partner -- only love you. So as much as you make them feel good about themselves. So is much that you. Make him proud to be with you make them want to be with you. That they will continue to be with you you know at -- I think that the it that it's very conditional it's a very conditional relationship --"

" Clearly -- other salons and all the divorce. A best friend never divorce you. I mean it could have then you fall out with a friend -- you don't get into a huge -- call each other names. That popped out but not as often not nearly as often as romantic hardships. I never had an all out brawl with the best friend like that I think a lot of people I know that my boyfriend is and that's France -- he item is that's -- at least in all the time -- easily nighttime driver problem I got him. He has about he comes to me but it's a conditional relationship if you break up. You still gonna calm everyday for right now in my life he's been -- and I just think at a best friend is is it unconditional relationship that lasts and stands the test time. And it's one you have forever through all of these other relationships that's why it's important not to get rid of all your friends when you get in a relationship. It's important maintain friendships because truth be told they're gonna stick around the relationship incoming data mean and a married five times. How do you -- and justify that they were all best friends I mean they clearly weren't best friends they were good friends close friends. And her best friend and stick around they're gone. Your money -- friends at from elementary school that I don't necessarily talk to me he had MS friends. I don't talk to them anymore but you but you could. You know like the numbers and Barak."

" I mean my best friends from elementary school junior high high school I am still. I still consider them best friends I know that I got put out on the street. If I had nowhere to go I call my best friend Danielle. And I manor house I'm being -- I'm being close like she's got my back whether I talk to rob a timer not. Because she's been my lifelong friend and will be my lifelong friend for ever ever never. You know she could go through five husbands let's hope she doesn't just had a baby energetic and other on third. But. You know or I go through five husbands probably more likely. End. And she's still going to be there for me but your your spouse -- partner your lover that's a conditional relationship they're not going to be around. And it probably won't wanna be around if you treat -- and and then there's like all the name calling and the backstabbing in the spring of all the news like a desperate whenever do you -- best friend isn't legal sex tape -- Take you perhaps your money call you names. Say -- dirt bag. You know I'm I don't know I and not that I just think it takes away from the sex appeal of the relationship if your partner knows too much. I don't know I think got to have some level of sixteenths. Whose sexy. -- it's spicy. I'm an open up the phone lines what do you think you think your partner your spouse or lover. -- they should be your best friend my -- 888925554."

" Should your partner your lover your spouse or boyfriend girlfriend should they be your best friend. Adding muscular say yes I personally see no I don't think they should be your best round they can be your best friend. And I think that mainly women want men to be best friends that mentality when and I like -- that way to me on my best friend my buddy and drink Arizona has Ken said. He's my best friend Britney what do you think."

" You and I'm like you are either way that once you had a life the online and it is. -- away. Little. Guilt by a one another anymore like they -- I agree. Well I mean to be that when you can eat it. Like I I. -- I'd like I'd be happy yeah. I collect our relationship. Out yeah yeah. There -- I thought I I I knew that Aetna. I. Thought you'd like to UC. LL. I -- a -- together and or I well luckily it."

" Right well that's what Ken was saying you're saying that his wife accused us and after five years Robert what do you think."

" I agree with you and then come late to do and by the way I think I think. Should be about current or more importantly more confined companion. And that's what Apache friends really is the -- time. You know unconditional. As you said I think -- the -- It we make it impossible for best friend to be -- stop. Because there's so -- condition that primarily is based -- Emotional or physical -- yeah and that outlast that the past are."

" Right yeah definitely people get divorced which is I don't think he's just to be your best friend -- what are your thoughts for a quick."

" Well I I agree with you know that you're punished not your best friend but I also think that -- best friend is also I had conditional relationship because. You don't expect the same things from a best friend you would then get jealous said and Hewitt in Bryant the you don't have the same. Expectations I get and that's what. Need to be separated."

" Well that's why into relationships are different I think one of them is a good friend that easily plant the other -- a best friend it's just a little. Different dynamic different emotional structure we shouldn't expect her spouse. To replace that same emotional structure that our friends give -- relationships are very beautiful. And very necessary. Get any comment economic -- your time with -- dot com."

" That is going over eight days. Count to -- sixteen pounds for your -- yeah shopping crazy. Mom along."

" Welcome to you what time with -- Kim ever since she's your girlfriend and easier to you know help."

" Let's Wednesday night which means it's lifeline I've got an expert you have questions you can call and ask a question. Finally get some answers to some of your burning deep desire of some short. Tonight actually one of my favorite psychotherapist as in the studio pat pierce and hi pat when he camp. Thank you so much for joining us tonight. I'm pat wrote the book stops south sanitize get out of your own way to earn more money improve your relationships and find the success you deserved. And I personally think that this is one of the best and self help books I've read myself. I went through it because I think all of us self sabotage I think many of us know people who self sabotage. And we don't even realize we're doing it for instance have a girlfriend. Sabotage -- every single relationship she has yet because he doesn't believe she deserves it right -- herself right every time over and over again as yeah yeah because every time she meets a guy what does she say all T think he likes me are you sure what does this mean I don't know I don't think he likes me. Oh -- I don't in and she would continue to do this over and over this questioning. The self doubt this real wondering if he really likes -- and like. He's asking on dates slip up we -- tags. What does it they have to do after he's got button I can barely asked to call you in just say hey -- like you and by the way I'd like to go out today. In the -- is that that will. How beastly doesn't do it so I -- seen in heard doesn't believe it yeah so that's where she needs to focus rather than -- on him he's only ever be able to reassure her enough now. My sister's husband for instance he also brilliant guy. He's always the hard worker at work he's always -- coming up with solutions my sister for the last five years has been saying to him Chris. Why did you start your own company. Why don't you just do this morning just started everyone's always asking you to fix their computers and to do this and to do that. Why he just finally started on your -- you make seven bucks an hour around and and working for a salary. And of course he just doesn't do it. And every time he has an opportunity. He ignores that. Just won't pick up the ball on doing he's really sabotaging. His own success when he could have right."

" And he -- the interesting thing can't miss that either if you believe you deserve it you will go after it yeah if you don't believe you deserve it even if you get it. Yeah it is someone came up and said -- and getting new 300000 -- to start your own business yup and he did it he took the money need to edit. He would find a way to sabotage it. He don't believe that he'd have to give it away. So. That the proof is in the pudding and people asking how need to know what you're sabotaging or not yeah well look at to life. Right are you living the life if you want Bryant and it's not. There's a way you're getting in your own way. So what are the main ways that people self sabotage. Well at the heart -- and they begin every conceivable way and we do it in every area of our lives in our. Work life in our health yeah in our career and even on the book ever and I even have celebrity examples. And the example I love is Oprah -- narrowing those operating helper has everything and now she doesn't have every day. As I see if we elected if we -- career relationships and held those of the three main areas that we chartered Taylor and he would take career. Out of the out of the box obviously she got one in that cannot add other -- self made billionaire doesn't check relationships you know she has long term relations -- and she's had him he said he had man yep exactly she's had him and she's had gala she's had friends right so. There's long term success there I would say. But her health her -- her -- it's a constant. Problem and it's a -- problem because. And she said the sudden I'm I was on Hollywood. Access Hollywood Adams and how is quoted as saying that she doesn't believe she deserves to keep the -- Right the next day she came on and she said the reason I can't keep this weight off is -- give everything to everyone else and I don't take care myself yeah. So in that area. -- She just believes that maybe she doesn't deserve to be skinny -- doesn't deserve to take care herself -- that she doesn't. Deserve at that and said she's three giving and giving giving to every -- and she gives and gives and gives and gets exhausted and then she be nurses herself and nurtures herself with. And she's very clear about the damage she knows the cycle she's not you know she's informed about it yeah but she hasn't broken me."

" Well and that's the important part is trying to break that cycle I know we all do self sabotage diapers -- myself because I self sabotage my relationships. So I just personally somewhere along the line I would I mean I can pretty much figure out exactly where along the line because my mom wasn't around she left when I was a baby. And that made me believe. From a really early age that I wasn't deserving of love if I couldn't even get my mother's love his love -- possibly capture. And that built this idea in my mind. That okay well. You know if someone comes around they pretend to love me for a little while. That they can't possibly really truly love me because how could anybody write just was taught from an early age that I couldn't be."

" Share and in you know what you're saying you -- so important. Because that's Korea learn these things we learned -- before age five yeah we make our decisions about our entire life -- for each side. And that's scary I ski. All parent out there with kids you're under the age of five."

" Were running down the whole story yeah. Your children come -- yeah Peterson think you know."

" We make those decisions but then as adults is the real chance for all of that some missed. Upgrade those decisions to take time and energy with reading books are going to therapy here counseling their. Watching Oprah are listing your reach out Yahoo! learns something. So -- we have a breakthrough so we don't keep those patterns that we and that's the goal tonight we're gonna help you break free from those -- at least do our best. In a question and and answer session its lifeline. Pat -- and psychotherapist author and stop self sabotage. Get out of here. Own way to earn more money improve your relationships and find the success you deserve go to her website pat Pearson dot com. And we're gonna put that on the website you -- Kim -- Conseco links to easily. For opening up the phone lines you can ask your question on how you could finally improve your life in whichever aspect you wanna improve it the numbers 888. 925554."

" Give her --"

" 8889 called him she said that she broke up with her because she refused to have sex audition and I. --"

" Psychotherapist and author of stop self sabotage pat Pearson is with us tonight. On the show we're taking your questions lifeline Sudan expert you've got questions Melissa what's yours."

" Hi I am wondering if I'm not -- I've seen it myself and my career I've been always a pop producer producer and they'll let. I like the last thirteen years but every time I tried view. -- like my day my title in any job that I am not an Beckett let down I don't get it. You know for what every that night I was -- scene and I just how about the route. You know I -- maybe by is that urban and they don't get it to me I don't know all."

" Yeah. And that's that's an interesting one Melissa. I'm so you go after a higher title is that which -- trying to get. It and then they say no they won't let you have it."

" Yeah well it basically hell you know I'm not as I did I hear that I am not qualified I think I am. And I can do their competent and I don't know about overconfident or buy dot Abbott and sabotage you might not gonna count me -- you -- you know the longer. You know. You know you're getting great just did it and that's and that's and it just. You know I felt like you know it's. I believe that he that I years ago and you know better I don't know that arrogant mean at the opportunity to. You know. Get that job."

" So out of touch well I'm not sure I'm. And I cherry doesn't it doesn't sound like you're self sabotage 2000 -- said -- Some boundaries in some in some guidelines or principles. That you haven't quite met in their eyes it maybe maybe even -- in your high respect in their eyes are not ready to give you their stamp of approval. And then that kind of."

" Wouldn't that. Well as sentence at work might look like. You have indeed. You're an actor like saying -- going to go in for your big. Reading the next morning and you see it on line get drawn. You know -- do you sump means to give away which you know you could be doing okay so you have a big sales. -- their job coming up you have a big sale Katrina and you make sure that you insult the person you're trying to sell. So it doesn't sound like you're doing analysts like you're trying to get to the next level and your running into some obstacles. She's -- sounds like she's. Moving quickly like she really thinks she deserves that yeah she's going faster than they think that she should be able to go exactly -- Melissa what I say. Is don't let them don't give them the power to -- motivate you if that's what you want if you want the next level of success. And you keep focused on Nat and you keep yourself positive -- and to moving forward. And they're gonna see they're gonna get it. -- I hear -- pat what's your question."

" I mean it's complicated but I've I've been the same guy who had been together about three years now it. I only recently got engaged. That I guess he. I mean I felt like you know China I don't know I don't know -- I'm trying to start -- or -- Hanging on to things that I just constantly keep thinking you know he -- definitely yeah will be better we were to get. I'm not -- It spat over and help -- because he or what I can you stop and think well immune and so there."

" What -- Courtney you know why you're thinking. He'd be better off without me or he'd be better feel left because fill in the blank because."

" Yeah I have -- I mean I guess I just don't like I'm getting a firsthand."

" Yes. That sounds like habitat to -- level issue that is is self sabotage. He obviously thinks you're good enough for him right. -- I'm gonna ring on your finger he wants to marry you for sure so so it's a self esteem issue for you. And so you're challenged in my little homework for you. Is that you have to work on accepting yourself and believing that you do deserve to get what you want. Is this guy season bested -- this sounds like. And you're sort of doubting yourself. Okay well that's three need to work here."

" Okay that's likely. That's one thing actually talk about when we come back from the break is a difference between self esteem and self confidence. A lot of people don't understand the differences and and people think -- great yeah I'm real success -- money. That's you can have a lot of self confidence lack self -- you could have a lot of self -- lacks self confidence yes due to lack of bulk which the what a nightmare yeah exactly but you can also get through all these things which is like pat Pearson is with us tonight psychotherapist author of stop self sabotage. Grab her book at a website pat Pearson dot com that's PE a RS -- and links on my -- your time can dot com we're taking more of your calls if you think your self sabotaging. Your relationships. Your success whatever might be like your health even your weight as a big one if people sabotage and obviously one of the biggest I think it's. Because all QB in the pizza."

" We'll be right --"

" Lifeline tonight we have psychotherapist and author pat Pearson with best she's the author stop self sabotage many of us sabotage our -- whether their career love lives our health. Power used sabotaging what can you do to get over it Alex welcome to the show what's your question."

" I -- I cried and and is that somebody years myself. Is that man before marriage for years I've been to -- our -- out. And every time. I have -- nearly as a man could be and their relationship might fact catch is that active in the past the aggressively eighteen professional way. And net income -- afraid. Hair -- need are some piano yeah. Is there any laid back take a lot going from my past saying that precious somebody else without any --"

" Well that's quite a question and answer any of us start without fear that I think you can through the year. And I think knowing that you have some fears -- very smart position to -- yet. So that what happens. -- I think you need to start the visualizing and -- you deserve to happen. Solid normal loving relationship. And rabbit and focus on all the bad things that happened you -- we will we focus on. It's not sabotage is one way that we keep the old native tapes were -- hits we keep telling ourselves back and it works what doesn't work. So what -- things I tell people that used to notice when they go negative in event. -- to a positive statement. Sent to security where with a psychiatrist that's great you reenact. But in your mind in issuer visualize in talking to yourself. Seem self with a good normal healthy loving. This not abusive and see yourself in chewing. That would be in -- and next thing you --"

" And target -- him out where and how long. Relationship and kick back. Us yet."

" There are what are you only need one you're not talking to hand. I'm the only meanwhile you can't getting in less you'd envision it and believe that you can happen that's right."

" Yeah that's just do that they get a couple of spell it I expect I thought we had -- accomplish this picture myself with a guy and I he added."

" Gotta keep trying to do it you can't you keep doing it -- best elect Alex. -- That sounds to me like Alex -- some self esteem and I know in your book there's a difference between self esteem and self confidence explain that -- yes. Self esteem as I define it -- basin unconditional. Acknowledgment for who yours a human being OK so you're being -- your soul and your heart you. You're lovable. And that's given to you by your parents mostly. A people who are close to -- it's also given to you by yourself yeah. Yeah if you self validate that create self esteem down so it's about feeling loved and liked and respected and cared about. Self confidence on the other hand is conditional acknowledgment for performance can use sell a lot of product and you get a win a sales surprised you -- degree Kate can you women bake off -- get. And and your biology test it and you do something you perform. Because you perform well. Your knowledge and that builds confidence and he does so it's doing so it's been in do re so self esteem is just independent of anything never die and independent as your weight independent of -- looks independent your accomplishments whether or not you win the race I love you because have you I love you for you. You know you are who -- you know I love you."

" Hearts right yes and self confidence is doing stuff and that builds confidence exactly he did it well he -- girl right at a girls do more. Andy you know many of us lack one or the other exactly. And that's why the book is so great -- to stop self sabotage. Granite -- pure sense dot com that links on my -- your time Kim dot com we're gonna take one more round of calls eighty dates NightCall camp."

" It."

" Welcome back to show its lifeline I have psychotherapist and author of stop self sabotage pat pierce and -- what your question and."

" Question would be. If you're aware of the things like that yourself stop attaching after looking it and everything that you said well would be the first major step to take. That doesn't cost a lot of money that is then. Yeah over the top but just as subtle thing they could change everything."

" Year wanted to know if you know if you recognizing you are self sabotaging something what's the first step or a couple of steps to take to stop self sabotage. Well the first Yves -- the first which is an awareness you have to be aware of what. How you're what and how you're gaining in your own way so says thank you can act so congratulations. Number yeah she got a -- clear about what you want. What you want to be different. If you want a new job if you when he boyfriend if you want more money what do you want. In which it what you want. In the third step issued got to keep talking to yourself in a very pro active ways -- I choose to believe. That I can create what I want I choose to believe that I can find a good job out there I choose to believe that a relationship work for me. So you have to start working on your head and yourself talk what do you say -- yourself. They get to your way it creates to sabotage the need to turn that around and say something very different than."

" You know Alley if I know I know I citizens beginning -- I'll say it again but the her book stop self sabotage is excellent and it's actually a workbook. So you can kind of work through all this stuff with yourself and I just found it really insightful and it really makes you dig at the court it makes you face it. And it went just basic you can kind of you know wrestle with that in and get a better handle on -- he actually move beyond it but. I I recommended if you if you recognize an aspect of your life that your sabotaging -- recommend you start going through the workbook. Let's go to the go to Debbie Debbie Debbie pat Pearson dot com and order it gives up self sabotage stops of sabotage us. And it's a cheap way to do it not that very soon. -- The heck out of it when -- thanks for your call. -- that's actually where all of you can order the book if you like -- on my -- your time can dot com pat thank you so much for joining us tonight shaky cam so much fun having you pat Pearson again at pat Pearson dot com links on site so. There's a neighborhood where I'm from -- at her neighborhood called hidden springs. The nickname for this neighbor -- however really nice way -- neighborhood where everything's kind of pleasant village. You drive back there and it's a -- miles in the hills back tucked away in the hills of four receive. Takes a while to drive out there and when you get there it looks like Pleasantville no kidding kind of creepy. Can you go through an everything's absolutely perfect they've really. Mandated how the porch is have to be to colors of the homes of styles of the homes very very perfect. Neighbor had to. While the nickname. For hidden springs. Is hidden slings. Reason being. A link there's a large swinger community. Out and hidden springs. And couples lol click keys in -- and then a draw keys and whoever's Keating get that's a partner that they switch went for the day."

" Yeah I don't know you know and what -- out the most is that so many in my high school friends have now bought homes and live out and hidden swings. I just don't know what it is that they're doing or why they're doing -- I confront the girlfriend of mine and I asked her I said -- you live on hidden springs. Otherwise known as hidden -- is it true and she just sad I can't really comment on that. Oh yeah. Which makes me change. Apparently it's true. There's quite a few couples out there swinging. A white couple swing how they maintain a healthy relationship with in the lifestyle. We're due date we're gonna find out next to speak to the next thirty senate's -- search on the city might be surprised to find out how happy these couples truly are. Then -- I was so he's actually in the lifestyles to -- your time with him Iverson. Give her -- call 8889 called him yeah."

" You say that you -- can't win. --"

" If you've ever wondered what a swingers looks like what's causes them to make the lifestyle choices that they choose old Jennifer Stansky is the person to ask. -- a principal researcher and a national survey of swingers in the US the results of the survey found in her book swinging in America. Love sex and marriage in the 21 century. Jennifer welcome to show. So Ewing near your co author wrote this book Sweeney in America you went around you surveyed a bunch of swingers first I'll tell us. Why -- who's -- how many singers are out there."

" Well as far as how many character out there there are different testament. But if you. Listen pewter report from being national Americans here. Group they report about 15% of married couples are engaged and -- now other reports bringing in -- about two to 4% now."

" That seems to be a little bit more accurate do you think maybe -- yeah I believe now -- I can't imagine 15% of married couples are out there swinging without another maybe. The definition is swinging yellow let's talk about that the definition I mean maybe 15% are certainly sleeping with more than just their partner Airbus cuts. Right --"

" And make them Winger right the big difference between having an affair. And engaging in bringing behavior because actually foreigners. Are being very committed relationships marriage long term. And they do it together kind of like you know maybe playing bridge or plant -- They've assigned to. Go out with other couples or groups and just coming -- back together as fun."

" So this isn't like partner swapping this is more like they really will engage in -- With another couple at the same time."

" Right it can that there are different levels of swinging their software -- it you know there's actually no sexual activity is just kind of foreplay. -- special treatment all kinds of levels in between but. The thing that -- commentary added that the love relationship state primary between the couple themselves. They don't get emotionally involved with their -- partners. Now other of people like people that I can putt poly amorous. Which means -- is kind of the global mini right. They share -- threw out -- can have multiple Libya relationship that -- don't see that and it can be in the same room together. It can be with a couple all it can be whipped another female. More than likely it won't be with another male thing -- That's just lying well armed men and women themselves report. I think you're that there is a high level of female bisexuality and they'll -- report to -- being bisexual. But -- don't."

" Okay so that's why -- man wouldn't join in with a couple. But it right in my account right what's the demographic of a swinger army are these poor people rich people."

" Well you know actually there probably -- may be like for next door neighbor your co worker even your family member. That average out of 11100 players that we survey. Worth 39 years old yeah. They had two years of college. They've been in their marriage or in the relationship for about ten years. They've been in bringing about the thing about five years and that we have professions across the board from doctors police officers teachers. Nurses blue collar workers."

" It really can beat anybody everybody look around there's a swing -- TO are even younger but twenty in order -- allow okay. Now in your -- in your research did you think did you find it I mean -- these couples really truly in love with each other it's difficult for those of us you. Couldn't found them going into this lifestyle it's difficult for us to really truly believe that there's love between these couples."

" Right and we don't we wanted to find that out to -- and think began in our survey it would take some questions directly from the general the survey -- I'm a professional and University of Chicago. And they collect data about and norms and what people think about things so we asked some of the questions to compare against the united -- the United States. And wingers actually reported that they were happier with themselves they were happier with their families they were happier with their marriage. And the correct for the population."

" But for how long. Now I mean that would that's and that to me seems to be to big question any new exciting lifestyle is gonna make you feel good it's gonna give you were rushed. Gonna make you feel like you're alive again gonna make you feel like your relationship so great but it's like how long can you keep -- it's almost like a drug. So only the case of high for so long."

" These were average lingers for five years -- right about average. And over 60% actually are reported that their marriage it was happy to begin with that became even happier I slinging."

" Yeah I would imagine it's really similar act it to me personally I just don't think that you can. Have unemotional sex with people I think to damage -- and emotion kind of borderline sociopath. So well."

" Yeah it but you know we wanted to test that you and we did use some questions that -- with the feedback of what of these people were. Maybe had experience markets function were I have experienced abuse. And we found that they reported you know about the famous birth of the population -- those."

" I don't know I personally I just don't see how especially for the women you know there is medical evidence that shows. That women released oxy Towson during sacks and form -- bond. So for all of these women to just say oh yeah we can -- unemotional -- kind of raises a red flag how can maybe get. That like view in the population that are not releasing oxy -- when the rest of us are. You know it's like women try to get men into -- all the time and say oh yeah and now we're just going to be France no big deal I swear I can do I can be on attached and then. All guys now you are right the woman strapping you because soon enough she's gonna be like. Relationship and it's because oxy 10%."

" You know you have a different -- Brian brief search actually says very different things on that sometimes. And --"

" Yes climbing K if it works of these people I guess it works for them I mean. Certainly not a lifestyle for the vast majority of us to think about it today."

" Point that out to think they they're bringing certainly -- not burn it right your -- and we are booked into the conclusion candidates not for everybody to take you know after kind of marriage in a certain kind of understanding communication with them marriage."

" Interesting very interesting -- Jennifer thank you so much Jennifer Stansky. Co author -- swinging in America loves sex in marriage in the 21 century go to the website swinging in America book dot com and make chief of the book there. Georgia and up somewhere else as Jennifer tells us how -- a summer you may or may not wanna be have to. Coming up next we'll talk to a swinger find out exactly how she got into the lifestyle and why she continues to stay and it stick around it's your time -- percent."

" Just chatting with an expert about swingers earlier -- who better to learn about the ways of the swinger -- this expert with experience in swinging. Jane -- is a sex positive educator and -- kind of -- who blogs specializes in workshops and one on one -- reached Jane welcomes the show."

" Hello hello you hello everyone."

" Thank you doing -- so you are a swinger -- put out there. Okay what do you you know we were just talking to an expert about it and what is your experience -- is now are you. She mentioned that there unicorn which urges women single women -- swing with couples and there are couples -- swing which one would you be."

" Right. I have done both. It depends on if I'm in a relationship or not. And I usually take the role. Like liaison and -- me whenever you're going on because they're usually telling me Q. Check in and see everything you're doing it. -- And -- the healing me I usually know how -- has a good kind of a fan I had to use that people in east."

" Ha how what are going to you -- it's okay at what point did you realize you wanted to be a swinger."

" I've. Probably younger than most people because my generation -- of the Internet. And porno and it was normal for me to see these things online and aren't TV inevitably curious about other people it was good about. Sex all the time it really is about how would the actress who like who underwent. This president like."

" Okay and so how did you then get into the lifestyle seems like it's difficult today especially if you're dating people today and they know right away I am a swinger."

" Yeah well usually it start when. Travel. And then you get all the boyfriend than we. Usually. Don't have Hannity all that was once the evacuating. Attitude you really get that went."

" Okay and that's kind of how you get this person into the lifestyle. And okay so how your relationship spared in this role in this lifestyle."

" Usually people who get involved with somebody is. I wouldn't think sexually active with what sexually aware of them -- You know. How to share. They know that it back it's less."

" have you ever Benelux. And did you swing and that relationship."

" Different parents you usually find a way to play with others. In my relationships."

" Okay and so did the relationship and because of jealous airing in like that."

" Now only eight evenhanded. About something else usually get a couple in the bedroom start. They say that aren't really into the bedroom."

" Right. Okay so and then they kind of turned into badger -- shares."

" Yeah you everything manifest plays badly bedroom if someone he didn't -- the right way for. Exit at a time you're gonna get the cut -- sex."

" Right OK okay interest and so how did you I guess for those who are thinking about getting into the slice on and you can do you definitely think it's a good lifestyle how long have you been Eslinger."

" How long I obviously I can't. I think leave most of my adult life. Me -- that you."

" Okay and I mean this is something you wanna continue for the -- your life you think."

" I yeah I don't know home. I would say don't how to -- with one person. But sexually. I lake affiliate. And really say even a friend of -- they -- have it that week I met Blake I can -- He would you like to have some fun."

" It's -- came very interesting very interesting. How do you think Tara how would you I guess suggest a couple even go about getting into those lifestyle and like I could I could even imagine personally --"

" The way things are now there's the Internet there are. Regular order effects shots and they -- has magazine or Yahoo! groups see any. The arbiter lifestyle has the what they called. Satellite which is kind of like the -- but."

" Right okay port eighty B key interest and there's a lot of free and yeah yeah yeah you think that this is a lifestyle for everybody you know. War what percentage of completely tired and -- what percentage of people would you say could do this."

" I -- Without knowing the -- yeah I would give it less than 50%."

" I don't think it's even that high. That's it do that maybe about 50% could do. Get -- I don't know I don't know Jane. Well bogged down recently gave -- societal."

" there's a lot and there's a lot of medical there's a lot of medical evidence -- biological and Antonin women. Release oxy -- which is a bonding chemical whenever they are intimate with somebody and I just wonder you know how you're able to cut that off every time we -- for someone new."

" But you don't have only one friend you have a few friends."

" Yeah but there's a -- we you know the bonds that happens between two people during sex is very different than a bond between conversation and and getting your nails painted together I mean that's a very different I bought bonds. Yes."

" But when -- invite argued that you're there everyday people -- the -- We keep your children."

" Now my gosh this don't say that clock. All right 10 I am not very in other retirees to. You're having it with all these people yet deny it's interesting is interesting why somebody would -- what you're. It. Now my mom that's a different story rejected that you so much for joining us tonight that's her only."

" Sex Byrd James blower website sex for Daimler dot com again she is a stringer and a sex birth. I'm very interesting perspective thank you so much for joining us gonna open up the phone lines just curious what are your thoughts on the screen lifestyles -- healthy you know relationship can you truly be in love. Do you do this 88829 call campus."

" It's just been chatting tonight about the swinger lifestyle had an expert on your device to research surprisingly swingers are apparently happier. We're just as happy as the rest the population and also chatted with a woman you is that -- herself just curious if you are if you engage in his lifestyle 8889 called -- hi Sarah welcome to the show -- swinger."

" I aren't pals are you now I'm I'm bottle I'm 25 a couple weeks Helen even do. And -- a wedding probably right here and actually probably about six."

" Okay are you single are in a relationship. I am Aurora. How -- how so how do you guys do this is it is it helping your relationship do you think it's hurting your relationship."

" Well oddly enough -- and I currently -- Bartlett. What -- Damon not. Hired leading. Cellular -- an injured you get turner art or. Would say it -- and I but. Trying to explain it."

" Yes how did you get him in doing."

" Well and it kind of an open book quite treatments that that I am a very factual and and very old -- right yeah. And one thing led to another and I credit have a very. Both group friends that we all -- that -- friends like every day -- hot and customers daily basis but we and that targeting comfortable on the and one thing like another hand it to the situation presented itself."

" Yeah how that. -- is venomous relationship. And and adds about a year you've been with him and do you guys love each other you guys at that point. Wow. Okay. Do you think this is a lifestyle that can sustain I -- I have a hard time believing personally. I just have a hard time believing that you can experience true emotion and true love. If you're the type of person that can casually have Sachs. I mean we've all been able to casually have sex at times but to continue to have casual. Sex with people when you're in a loving relationship I have a difficult time with this I just think that it lacks some sort of emotion I mean what would you say to that."

" I'm I would say in everything that the report will mention an odd that everyone can translate luck in different things. Think that more people has the ability to express themselves and be comfortable with expecting sexuality. -- I guess compatibility right -- ability to tack on another -- that positive that I and that thing right -- the Pacific but I. Do it the relationship that expression of I guess admiration toward it I mean what more that you get -- except yourself."

" Right and Tristan right Carol thank you so much fruit crop. Atlanta by Chris are also stringer."

" I'm not specifically yet but I'm looking and view it."

" Out yet okay so are you in a relationship. I am engaged. And you guys are both considering this lifestyle largest -- urges him."

" we both in considering it he's a little bit more toward the that I am. I am I had more jealous that he is and it sort of something that I didn't. Trying to come to terms with I want to be able you know -- the -- time I don't know I feel about it."

" wonder -- started with men. And they kind of -- limited -- taking that it was a good idea and and -- would along with the because they wanted to be the perfect women for their man and so they thought okay -- on the perfect woman now because I'm willing to -- Are willing to do this I kind of wonder I'm."

" You bet that the thing I want you I'm not I'm I'm not attracted to women but it. I."

" Are you allowed to sleep with other men."

" Exactly -- and not something that we also considered like a company that that you wouldn't. Be I was."

" You either -- he would allow that yeah ten you know -- seat up for our view that's really interesting and do you worry this'll ruin your relationship. Com. It's so worry America I don't know about ruining your relationship -- what you think that we're strong that's where we. That usual ten cents. Yeah if not they ordered all against each other are more concerned about like -- the -- jealous like he's not worried about anything thank you my worry a little bit here and they're out there now. I'm a little more picky -- it's --"

" Well turn out okay if you guys go for a call me back in a couple of years living has gone."

" I really well thank you have a good night thanks for calling it right. Very interesting email me your stories -- your time we -- dot com."